…in the Spring. And the summer, fall and winter. I’m not sure why. Lord knows new motherhood lent me enough fodder in humor, tears, complaining, ire, spleen, vexation, tarnation, excretion, and self-absorbed self-righteousness to fill a thousand blog posts. But I just couldn’t. Maybe it seemed too personal, explaining my choices or why I was weeping under the bed, when of course, I knew how lucky I was: this baby, this husband, this life. We’ve weathered another move, working while holding a squalling monkey to my bosom, croup, lack of sleep — none of it out of the ordinary, except that it was happening to me. This baby, my Benjamin, has made every moment so exquisite, so desperate, so delicious; and I have had neither the time nor the desire to step away from life to reflect on it.
That has ended — somewhat. Suddenly the old me is rising from her emotional heap (or Matterhorn, depending on the day) and remembers what it was like to put ink to paper and see thoughts pouring out upon a page. Oh! Yes, that. I need it again, fulfillment found from within, and not merely from the slack, contented cheeks of my sleeping son, his amazed glee at silly gestures, his honey-scented head nestled under my chin, his furious hands tugging at my knees. He is able, and I am able to let him, find joy in other people, and I find that greater than the ache of sharing his smiles, is the freedom I have to be myself again, for a little while.
To tear the bandaid off, I begin with my resolutions for being a better person, athlete, friend, knitter, wife, mother. I started them in December. It has taken me until now to post them. God knows, I am trying. Baby steps.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS 2015
☀ FAMILY and FRIENDS
- Be grateful for the friends and family that I have
- Be a better listener
- Remember birthdays
- Give presents/cards on time
- Write Christmas and birthday thank you notes
- Be a good godmother- visits, presents, cards, letters
- Be a good aunt- more visits, babysit, cards, letters, handknits
- Write one letter to friends each week
- Knit all Christmas gifts before Thanksgiving
- Send all holiday cards before Thanksgiving
- Give food gifts for Christmas
☀ PARENTING
- Try to take B on a fun outing at least twice a week
- Parent mindfully, be present
- Get a baby pack for hiking
- Teach him to swim
- Work on sign language
- Teaching him manners and gentleness
- Continue feeding him organically
- Take him fruit picking
- Visit the library every other week
- Finish his one-year baby book
- Take him on trips
- Take him on a bike ride at least once a week
- Practice patience
- Run in one race with him in the stroller
- Try to get B to wee reads at the library
- Research preschools
- Research grade schools
- Work on Spanish words
☀ COOKING
- Use a cookbook at least once a week
- Bake something once every other week
- Use more whole grains
- Learn better food presentation
- Make herb cubes for cooking
- Make my own cookbook
- Write down wines that we like
- Keep track of new cheeses we try
- Keep entertaining journal
- Meal plan
- Eat more vegetarian meals
- Go gluten free for at least one month
- Make paella
- Take a cooking class
- Learn to make crispy pickles
- Try cooking with quince
- Try cooking with persimmon
- Experiment with duck
- Make baguettes with new pan
- Make croissants
- Try some Indian recipes
- Can tomatoes
- Maybe get a pressure cooker
☀ HABITS
- Go to church twice a month
- Go to more events of an educational nature
- Pray more even when I don’t need something
- Have better time management
- Memorize one poem a month
- Eat more slowly
- Exercise at least four days per week
- Stop swearing
- Be a calmer driver
- Practice meditation
- Turn off lights
- Compost
- Turn off water while brushing teeth/washing dishes, etc
- Keep thermostat low
☀ BODY & MIND
- Go to bed earlier
- Be more organized in the morning
- Do South Beach Phase II from Feb 10-Feb 28.
- Use hand weights
- Use my Thirty Day Shred
- Yoga
- Floss
- Ride bike at least two times a week
- Become a TNT running coach
- Find someone to run with at least twice a week
- Run in at least two short races this year
- Run in a half marathon by winter
- Use running podcasts
- Substitute one meal for a salad three days a week
- Ice knees after long runs
- Learn to do a backbend
- Drink at least 3 L of water per day
- Eat at least two vegetables per day
- Neti pot
- Moisturize
- Use sunscreen every day
- Go hiking at least twice a month
- Improve Italian, French, Spanish (use tapes, read foreign magazines and books)
- Listen to podcasts and audiobooks rather than watch tv
☀ HOME
- Yard sale!
- Dig up yew and bamboo and plant tea olive and orange tree
- Install fence along side of house
- Cut hole into attic
- Get rid of a few trees
- Trim oleander
- Add lattice under house
- Install verbena, rosemary and lavender in front yard
- Create side raised bed for vegetables
- Check into adding side driveway
- Frame Black and White photos of family
- Take some B&W photos of Simons and me
- Paint kitchen
- Organize scrapbook stuff and letters- put all in one box
- Organize possessions more attractively
- Figure out what to do with junk that I find (sea glass, shells, rocks, etc)
- Get instant hot water heater
- Check insulation under the house
- Plan new kitchen (someday)
- Install new sink
- Plan new book shelves/storage in living room
- Replace closet doors
☀ WORK & TECH
- Find new work
- Find one hour a day for writing
- Write one pitch letter a week
- Look at grad school opportunities
- Post at least three times a week
- Take a photography class
- Take a web design class
- Get Skype
- Pitch personal essay every month
- Write fiction and have personal story published
- Enter at least four writing competitions
- Learn all current computer programs
- Keep better track of clips
- Be vigilant about deadlines
- Join at least one work organization
- Learn how to put video on blog
- Find digital camera
- Get a macro lens for old camera
☀ MONEY
- Sell old house
- Start saving 10%
- Plan for taxes
- Contribute monthly to IRA
- Contribute monthly to Benjamin’s education account
- Pay bills on time and figure out a good system
- Start an HSA
- Do something with my measly portfolio
- Have more money in savings than I do in checking
- Make a budget and come up with some goals
☀ FUN
- Go bowling
- Join the Gibbes
- Renew Aquarium, Lowcountry Children’s Museum
- Visit Charles Towne Landing once a week
- Go fruit picking
- Go to Spoleto opera
- Go to the ballet at least once
- Go to the theatre at least three times
- Eat at Husk
- Plan fun monthly excursions, ie state parks
- Camp on the Island
- Have more dinner parties
- Learn to sew: make curtains, a quilt
☀ KNITTING
- Understand blocking
- Knit two sweaters this year
- Complete all current projects by June (sweater, stocking, coat)
- Learn Continental knitting
- Sew entrelac panels onto a pillowcase
- Felt some small objects
- Lean color knitting
- Create a knitting group
- Knit for myself
- Knit hats/socks for nieces
- Knit socks/hat/sweater for Benjamin
- Knit handwarmers for sister
☀ LOVE
- Knit another sweater for Simons
- Try not to jump immediately to negativity
- Help him with work
- Attend more of his work functions
- Listen more and think of responses less
- Plan one romantic thing each week
- Take some local trips, National Trust sites, parks
- Go backpacking
- Think before I speak when I’m mad
- Try to honor him as I promised
- Remember his small kindnesses
- Forget my small grievances
- Take more picnics
- Plan a surprise surfing trip for him
- Organize my junk so it doesn’t fill up the house and stress him out.
Author Jemima